It was a rainy day in Moscow on Christopher Street Day. I went out of Tverskaya metro station and went towards a park along Tverskoy boulevard. This Sunday was really cloudy. Close to boulevard a small manifestation for religious freedom took place: a group of protestant guys feeling oppressed by so called "traditional religions" called the Moscow Mayor to let them confess their "un-orthodox" faith. I thought: "Interesting, what would happen if Moscow gays and lesbians asked Mr. Luzhkov to make today their manifestation? What would be the answer of the homophobic Moscow authorities?"

In the park I took my rainbow flag and stuck it in my bag. I held in my hand an umbrella, so the rainbow symbol of my gay pride was behind my back. My gay pride-2005 started!

The idea to hold my CSD came to me few years ago. My gay friend from Germany presented me a rainbow flag. "Well, - I thought. - Let's go!" I understood very well that no authorities in Russia would ever authorize an LGBT-manifestation. And I decided to act independently. If there is a homophobic Mayor in Moscow who can forbid a CSD, so let people know that there is also a gay guy who can freely walk with a rainbow flag through the city centre.

So every year, on 26th June, on CSD I walk on the streets with my identity symbol in hands. I don't make any actions, don't shout any slogans. I just walk and hold a rainbow flag. But even this can be enough to tell people about myself and my pride.

The park along Tverskoy boulevard must be a perfect place for a walk like this: there are no busy hurrying people, everybody walks leisurely or sits on the benches. And opposite to new MKHAT-theatre one can find a lesbian scene!

Because of the rain there were no crowds of people. Passers-by involuntarily stared at me: some understood what my flag meant, some were just curious. Most people didn't know what rainbow flag was. Nevertheless few longhaired "punk" guys on the bench looked at me very unfriendly. "Fagot!" - I heard their voices. "Ok, it's already not bad, - I thought. - At least people know what it is".

I approached few lesbian girls who were sitting on the bench. It was very strange but they didn't take any look at me. Probably they were too occupied with themselves and with an alcoholic drink.

Then I got very surprised. A couple of gay guys passed me by. One was taller, the other smaller. The taller guy looked at me and told his neighbor: "Look, let's wave to him". But the smaller one turned away and muttered: "No, I don't want". Anyway the taller one waved to me, I answered him with a smile.

Involuntarily I remembered my last CSD. I walked with rainbow flag on Tverskaya street. It is known as the place in Moscow very crowded with gay guys. The most ridiculous was to watch them react to me and my flag: some looked at me as at the fool, the others had dashed aside like from plague.

Well, guys, I understand how hard it goes. I am gay too. But anyway I call you to come out. Don't be afraid of yourselves. You should be proud to be gays. My gay-pride is just a way to make our society more open and tolerant, even for a millimeter. But a millimeter per year is not very slow for our society!

The point is that this way of action doesn't need much psychological or material expense, except your own courage, of course. So you don't need to make an application to make a carnival-styled gay parades like in Europe. You don't need to see your application refused by the authorities. It's just enough to walk on the streets wearing rainbow T-shirts or even holding rainbow colored umbrellas at a rainy CSD. If every one of us makes it, we all will get freer.

I came to Arbat square and saw that my flag got wet. I got down in the subway and went home. My CSD in Moscow was pretty good. See you next year!

Nikolai Baev, specially for GayRussia.Ru